happy father´s day

it´s been a few days because this computer keyboard is really frustrating and i´m irritated i can´t upload pics. i am going to give it the ol college try again this morning. working with the kids has been great, if you see on my facebook i was able to post pics i took from my cell phone. the only problem is, is that i am maybe a tad ocd, not really but kind of, and these kids are DIRTY. poor things. there are just too many in different age ranges for the two ladies that actually work there for a living to keep up with. so, unfortunately, i have found ¨caca¨ in many different places and then just feel dirty til i can get home and shower but still feel dirty be cause of the water i´m showering in. another strange thing about working with the kids is that for breakfast and lunch, they have 2 courses, which are both big, especially for a one year old, and they aren´t allowed to have anything to drink until they have completely finished every last bite of each course. it´s nuts. maybe they don´t eat in the jail, but my spanish isn´t good enough to carry on that much conversation with the bolivian women yet. when i walk in, even just with a water bottle, their eyes light up and they all literally BEG me for a sip. i´m still having a problem with the dogs as well. i think i have just as much sympathy and compassion for them, if not even a little more. is that horrible? i was told not to get close to any dogs by my kaiser travel nurse, but of course i have pet and fed every dog that gets close to me. they are all really good looking lil doggies and i want to bring every single one of them back to a rescue. ok, i realize that won´t happen but at this moment i´m just telling myself it will. in regards to feeling dirty ALL THE TIME....mom, maybe you could send a big thing of hand sanitizer, i´d feel a lot better. my little one from b and b works is already out. but,i´ll be honest, i do not know how to wash my clothes by hand like in the olden days with the rock sink and the rock scrubber thing so i have a large pile of clothes that need to be taken to the laundromat, and i´m pretty sure it´s closed until tuesday because monday is a bolivian national holiday. so i will go on feeling dirty. make sure to wear my hair in a bun or braid or something everyday to work because i am paranoid about lice, too. mom, look what you have done to me!!! i even wear my flip flops in the shower. that is ALL YOU!

so tonight i am going on an adventure that i´m really not sure, to be honest, if i can hang...the others are like 5 years younger and can stay up all night, no problem. anyway, we are taking the overnight bus to la paz then to tijuanaco (sp?) to see ancient aztec or maybe mayan (who knows, not me) tomorrow. then tomorrow night at the same spot-the ruins-there is an all night party in honor of the national holiday and the summer solstice. there are supposed to be like 5000 people there. at first i wasn´t going to go, because really, i enjoy going to bed at midnight and can´t remember the last time i stayed up all nights only to hop back on the bus for the rest of the day back to cocha, but it´s part of my adventure, i suppose. next weekend i want to take a day trip to chaparre, where it´s like or is part of the amazon. they have all kinds of monkeys and other animals that we only see at the zoo. i just hope there aren´t any snakes and if there are, they stay far away from me, and if there are, i have the cajones to keep going and not get scared stiff. then next sunday, we are planning to hike to cristo and take the chair lift thingies back down...however, i´d like to do that in reverse. i want to make it to the noon mass at the base of the statue, for the experience, even though i probably will not understand much of it. if you haven´t googled it, i highly recommend it (can just google cristo cochabamba). it is one of the prettiest things i have seen and i have a direct view from mi casa. it´s especially beautiful all lit up at night.

i´m relieved that i will be gone for father´s day. i think of all the past father´s days i have missed for stupid reasons, said ¨we´ll go fishing,dad,just you and me later¨and never did and it hurts. that´s one of the major reasons i came here when i did, was because i just can´t handle it yet. i know it´s just another day, but i couldn´t be reminded of it in the states. now i see why in elementary, it´s not a great idea to make gifts for mother´s or father´s day, as many kids don´t have one or both parents. i keep thinking back to kyle and my wedding day, and how my dad surprised me at the bottom of the stairs that i walked down to proceed to the aisle, and walked me down weakly with my mom. he hadn´t even come to the rehearsal or dinner the night before because he was too weak so we had it all planned he´d just meet my mom and i at the front when they gave me away. he´d stand when we got to him in the first row..but no, not my dad. he so proudly walked me the whole way. then i think of our daddy daughter dance, and how he chose the song, listening to many, before he found just the right one,¨find your wings¨ and the words ring more true than ever at this time. he mustered the strength to dance the whole song and had to leave shortly after, but the look on his face was pure bliss, carrying his safety blanket, his stanford hat signed by all his doctors and nurses, in his back pocket. now i´ve made myself cry. i guess that´s good because i don´t let it out too much. thank goodness everyone is still sleeping and not hanging out in the office as i´m a blubbering mess. i remember his memorial ,and how there were so many people there they had to stand out in the hallways , the choir section, and the other overflow rooms because i was lucky enough to have a father who was a great man ; admired, cherished, respected and loved by so many. i was also overcome with emotion by the friendships i have. friends traveled from all over to be there-i am very blessed and will never forget it. i remember how my mom, brother, sister and i were all determined to speak about the most important role model in our lives to pay him tribute. i could barely walk up there but when i started talking,i was ok, it was like he was right by my side. that was definitely when we were all still in a fog, going thru the motions, surrounded by family and friends, even laughing at the get together at stan state after. looking back i wonder how i could be laughing on such a day. the finality in iowa was very much different. when we buried his ashes at the cemetary a few days after christmas, it was becoming more real. there was no laughter that day. i´m usually so open with my emotions but this has been a really difficult thing to talk about. six months later it´s just becoming truly real. i will come back from s. america and dad won´t be there to ask me a million questions about my trip. when i call home, he doesn´t talk my ear off and talk just to talk even when there´s nothing to talk about. but i have his fighting spirit within me, stand up for what i think is right and defend it one hundred percent. i care for the good of people and not the politics behind it-i just want to do what is right for my students, kids here, etc. the part of him that´s in me is what got me here in the first place. when he had his mind set on something, he did it,whether it was making wooden santa claus´s to hang on your roof and selling them with kortne on the corner or making his kids an awesome 2 story playhouse, or a beautiful pergola in the new house when he already had leukemia and was weak and sick. he was a fighter,no doubt,and i am grateful now for every single lecture he ever gave me (which was at least one a day, everyday). happy father´s day, daddy. i can only imagine what yours will be like tomorrow, something spectacular beyond words.
i love you forever. those of you who do have fa ther´s in your lives, give them a very special day tomorrow, you will look back and be glad you did.